The Pearson Pregnancy - Fatal things to say to your pregnant wife

Conceived Dec 3, 1997
Due August 27, 1998
Labor August 29-31
Born August 31, 1998

Fatal Things to Say To Your Pregnant Wife:

  • "Sure you'll get your figure back -- we'll just search 1985 where you left it."
  • "Keys are on the fridge, honey. I'll see you at the hospital at half-time."
  • "Sure, the doctor said you're eating for two - but he didn't mean two horses."
  • "Honey -- Come show the guys your Brando impression!"
  • "Roseanne, what have you done with my wife?!"
  • "How come you're so much fatter than the other chicks in Lamaze?"
  • "Sweetheart, where'd you put that Victoria's Secret catalog?"
  • "What's the big deal? If you can handle me going in, surely you can handle a baby coming out."
  • "Why in the world would I want to rub your feet?"
  • "That's not a bun in the oven -- it's the whole friggin' bakery!"
  • "You know, now that you mention it, you are getting fat and unattractive."
  • "Oh, this is just great! Now, on top of everything else, child support."
  • "No, I don't know where the remote is! Have you looked under your breasts?"
  • "I know today's your due date, but Larry just got a 10 point buck and that's a reason to celebrate, too."
  • "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."
  • "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!"
  • "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"
  • "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl."
  • "Damn if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."
  • "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"
  • "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"
  • "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."
  • "Got milk?"
  • "Damn! We could put pictures of missing children on the sides of those things!"
  • "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."
  • "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"
  • "Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water." This list was posted on ParentsPlace August '98 expecting board by alma1.

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