Conceived Dec 3, 1997
Due August 27, 1998
Labor August 29-31
Born August 31, 1998
Fatal Things to Say To Your Pregnant Wife:
"Sure you'll get your figure back -- we'll just search 1985 where you left it."
"Keys are on the fridge, honey. I'll see you at the hospital at half-time."
"Sure, the doctor said you're eating for two - but he didn't mean two horses."
"Honey -- Come show the guys your Brando impression!"
"Roseanne, what have you done with my wife?!"
"How come you're so much fatter than the other chicks in Lamaze?"
"Sweetheart, where'd you put that Victoria's Secret catalog?"
"What's the big deal? If you can handle me going in, surely you can handle a baby coming out."
"Why in the world would I want to rub your feet?"
"That's not a bun in the oven -- it's the whole friggin' bakery!"
"You know, now that you mention it, you are getting fat and unattractive."
"Oh, this is just great! Now, on top of everything else, child support."
"No, I don't know where the remote is! Have you looked under your breasts?"
"I know today's your due date, but Larry just got a 10 point buck and that's a reason to celebrate, too."
"Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."
"Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!"
"I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"
"Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl."
"Damn if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."
"Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"
"I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"
"Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."
"Damn! We could put pictures of missing children on the sides of those things!"
"Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."
"Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"
"Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."
This list was posted on ParentsPlace
August '98 expecting board by alma1.